The World Cup starts next Thursday, and even thought we live in the US, aka the only nation on planet Earth that doesn’t give two shits about soccer, we’re getting excited. Bars around the city are gearing up to start opening their doors at 9am to the thousands of foreign soccer fans who are going to scream, cheer, laugh, and cry as their favorite teams battle it out on the field (pitch?) . Even if we know jack about the sport itself, it’s an exciting time. We just wish we were packing our bags for Rio, where we bet the party will be reaching EPIC proportions.

You might remember we reported 4 years ago (holy CRAP it’s been FOUR YEARS!), that the British team’s coaches imparted some pretty strict rules on how the players were allowed to conduct themselves while playing in the World Cup – specifically in the bedrooms, even going so far as to install video camera to make SURE there was no frisky business.  This year, we’ve learned from ThinkProgress that while the US is A-OK with their team getting dirty (and not from the mud on the field), others are siding with the Brits and putting the ex-nay on the ex-say:

Mexico manager Miguel Herrera announced in late May that he won’t let his players have sex throughout the tournament.

“If a player can’t go one month or 20 days without having sexual relations, then they are not prepared to be a professional player,” Herrera said. “Forty days of sexual abstinence isn’t going to hurt anybody.”

BOOOOO. BOOOOO!!!! We have always been of the understanding that a little boot-knockin’ can relieve stress and take the edge off, which we’d think would be beneficial to someone in an EXTREMELY heated competition, no? On the other hand, we CAN understand a few regulations to ensure the safety of the players, like those of Brazil manager Luiz Felipe Scolari, who said,

“The players can have normal sex during the World Cup,” Scolari said in April. “Usually normal sex is done in balanced way, but there are certain forms, certain ways and others who do acrobatics. We will put limits and survey the players.”

HAHAHAHAHA, we love it. While we’re totally #teamWorldCupSex, we can understand that they’d prefer their players not try any potentially fatal sex positions.

Happy Friday, everyone! See you Monday!