I recently wrote an article for the hilarious website RegretfulMorning, listing ways that guys can completely ruin their chances of picking up a lady. However, after contemplating the subject further, I realized there are actual lifestyle choices guys make that unwittingly ruin their chances of getting laid. Let us discuss.

1) Your Video Game Habit

Don’t stone me! I get it. I occasionally partake in a 5 hour marathon of Rock Band or Wii Bowling too. I’m not anti-gaming by any means. However, if you wake up at one in the afternoon because you stay up till 5 in the morning playing Halo and eating Cheetohs, chances are your skin is the color of glue and you’ve got the muscle mass of polio victim. We all know guys like video games, just… don’t be creepy about it.

2) Your Crappy Friend

Girls are just as guilty as guys for keeping friends around that we know are totally nuts. For us, though, it’s usually because they make the rest of us look like saints. But for you dudes, it’s like you enjoy them hanging around being complete jerks. We’re not saying you have to be noble and stand up to him when he starts calling girls sluts, just… don’t laugh at his jokes, it makes you look just as bad. Oh and PS, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell was not funny. It was the Million Little Pieces of Sex Literature. As in 29 chapters of made up, unfunny bulls***.

3) Your Inability to Form Sentences

I don’t expect you to be able to carry on a conversation in Latin, or even to use more than 6-letter words. But if you can’t get 3 sentences out without a mispronounced word or one that’s not even in the dictionary ( “Hella”? Really? Are you 15?), it’s the ultimate turn off. And that goes for texting, too. If you choose the wrong “to/too/two,” you might as well morph into a llama, because I’m more likely to have sex with it than you.

4) Your Hat

Take that hat off.

5) Your Cockiness

Yes, you’re hot. And yes, I’m sure you get laid 25 times a week, every week, because you’re really, really hot. But no, I am not going to sleep with you, because that’s all you have to talk about. Trust me, dude, we women have a 6th sense for dudes we can tell are good in bed. You don’t need to say a word. In fact, yes, don’t say a word. Just shut up and let’s get this done.