It’s fairly well known that guys, for the most part, understand about 1/1000th of women’s brains. And considering the human brain is about 3 pounds, and we only use about 10% of it, that means… well, I’m not going to do that math but pretty much you know JACK about women. And since no one has invented a male to female translation book (someone should get on that; it’d be a gold mine!), I thought I’d provide you with a few of the least understood female sayings and what they actually mean.

1) “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

Translation: I am not attracted to you, nor do I think I ever could be.

This one is one of the most genuine things women say, and yet the last thing a guy wants to hear if they’ve asked out a girl who they’ve been friends with for a long time. If you ask out a close friend and she drops this line, it generally means, all cliches aside, that she sees you as a “brother,” who has lost all sexuality in her eyes. Sorry dudes.

2) “That’s fine.”

Translation: NOT FINE.

Oh, you want to bail on our plans to meet up to hang out with your friends? No matter the level of the relationships (booty call, friends with benefits, or girlfriend), no woman likes to be flaked on. And while she doesn’t want to look crazy by telling you “no,” we will make it painfully obvious that you will pay if you flake. In a perfect world, the “it’s fine” would lead every guy to say, “Eh, never mind, that strip club sounded lame anyway. Let’s stay in and watch Gone With the Wind!”

3) “How could she do that to me?!”

Translation: Listen to me complain without speaking for an hour please.

One of the main misconceptions about women is that every complaint they have can be solved with one of your ingenious plans. FALSE. For the most part, when a woman is complaining about someone/something/her life in general, she doesn’t want you to pull out graph paper and show her how to fix it. She just wants you to listen, maybe rub her back, and agree with everything she says.

4) “This guy was totally hitting on me.”

Translation: Are you jealous? Tell me you’re jealous.

Women appreciate a certain amount of jealousy from a guy. Not because they want him to get angry every time she goes out or start going through her phone, but just so she knows that he’s still interested and thinks she’s a hot commodity.

5) “I feel like we’re in a rut”

Translation: Either do something HUGE or we are done.

This statement usually needs to be read on a case by case basis. If you’re casually dating, this usually means they’re kinda over it, and there’s probably not much you can do to save it, since it’s not a long term relationship anyway. However, if you’ve been a couple for a while, she could either mean you need a “break” (which is never a good idea), or that you better pull an awesome vacation out of your ass now, Buster, because she’s getting bored.