This interesting story was shared with me while at a bar this weekend with friends. Yeah, that’s right, I HAVE FRIENDS, I TOLD YOU SO. The Gawker article was brought up on someone’s phone with the introduction of, “I can’t believe you haven’t seen this, it’s RIGHT UP YOUR ALLEY.” I laughed, but in retrospect I don’t think it was a compliment.

Porn site PornMD apparently decided to gather some research about what its users from around the world were most likely to jerk off to. Although I figured that every culture has different tastes, I couldn’t have prepared myself for the shocking, strange, and confusing things some other countries’ people find arousing.

I mean, here’s the pretty average stuff from around the US:

Yeah, yeah, we Americans love our MILFs and teens and massages and asians. I could’a figured. But then, wowee, let’s check out some of the top searches for a few Asian countries, shall we? (Oh, and picture these all being shouted by a petite brunette in an upscale wine bar.)

WHERE DO I BEGIN?! Do I express interest in the fact that the top searches for each are different asian ethnicities? Do I note that 5 of the 10 top Japanese searches are for gay porn? Do I wonder what in God’s name an “Indian AUNTY” is? (Update: it’s basically the Indian term for MILF) Or do I go the obvious route and say EW, SOUTH KOREA, WHAT’S WITH ALL THE SHITTING AND TOILET PORN?

I mean, I suppose in a world where a large percentage of the population has seen 2 Girls 1 Cup, and being that TLC basically survives off people’s weird fetishes, I shouldn’t be too surprised. But it’s still APPALLING to me that there’s a whole nation of people who get off watching other people defecate.

Also, I think I need to rethink my life if my friends consider this “right up my alley.”