I am going to provide this story word-for-word, with no paraphrasing, because it is just too funny to tamper with:

“A man wearing only a rain coat was taken into police custody after a garage burglary and sexual encounter on Sunday.

The Jefferson County Sheriff’s Department said the man and a woman were in the process of burglarizing the garage on Glade Chapel Road, in Hillsboro, when they decided to have sex.  While having sex, the woman sprayed the man with pepper spray.

Investigators said the woman ran off and drove the suspect’s vehicle into a pond about two miles from the burglary location.

The burglary victim woke up and spotted the man leaving the garage with a bag.

Investigators took the man into custody a short time later when he was spotted running down the road.

The victim told investigators she was missing power tools and portable DVD players.”

Seriously? This plot is better than 99% of the comedies from the past ten years! It’s HILARIOUS! In fact, it sounds like it should be the premise for a hilarious Mr. and Mrs. Smith knock off, except instead of being a super sexy action flick starring Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, it’s a awkward jumbled hijinks-filled comedy starring Kristen Wiig and Seth Rogan.

HOLLYWOOD, I’LL TAKE MY 2 MILLION DOLLAR IDEA CHECK* NOW PLEASE.

(* – that’s what they’re called, right? Idea checks?)