HELLO, FRIENDS! HI! HOW ARE YOU?!HOW’S YOUR MOTHER? GOOD? TELL HER I SAID HI!

As you can tell, I am in a delightful mood – not just because it’s Friday but also because yours truly is about 12 hours away from the best weekend of the year: THAT’S RIGHT, BUDDY BOYS – IT’S COACHELLA VALLEY MUSIC FESTIVAL!

This will be my only post for the day because I’m swapping out my internet nerd gear for my dirty hippie get up, but never fear, I still have your weekend to dos for this lovely mid April weekend. Sorry if they seem Coachella themed, I promise they aren’t. Just kidding they are. Sorry.

1. GO TO COACHELLA!

This year was pretty groundbreaking as far as ticket sales go – they all sold out within six days of them going on sale. Of course, with today’s technology, many of those sold were probably to a**holes looking to sell them for double or triple their price. Hell, I considered just selling my ticket and buying a plane ticket to Costa Rica. However, as the concert approaches, people who bought extras with the intention of scalping them are realizing they have flooded the market and now most tickets aren’t going for all that much more than face value. If you’ve got the weekend off and happened to have recently sold a kidney, hop onto eBay and drop the cash for what could be one of the best weekends of your life. But be careful – there are fakes everywhere!

2. Pretend you’re at Coachella

You’ll need: a bunch of space heaters, a playlist chock full of Coachella performers (my picks: Mumford and Sons, The Black Keys, Arcade Fire, Ratatat, Cee Lo Green,  and The Strokes), a sweet sound system, some crazy lights, and a few tweakers or e-tards. BAM – you’ll have your own Coachella weekend at a fraction of the price. Remember, the space heaters are an integral part of all of this, because one of the discerning factors of Coachella as an experience is the blazing, miserable, blood-curdling heat.

3. Enjoy your city without hippies

Wherever you live, you’ll notice a few things this weekend: it won’t smell as weird, the clubs will be void of all girls with feathers in their hair and high-waisted jean shorts. You won’t see as many guys in bowler caps and deep v-necks. It’ll be GREAT! Coachella gathers up all the grotesque hippies who are stuck in a lifelong hallucination and corrals them into one place for a whole four days. It’ll be GREAT!

I’ll be back on Monday with a solid recap of Coachella 2011, including pictures and maybe even video! Until then, have a great weekend, and keep your fingers crossed I don’t die of heat exhaustion!