April Fool’s Day is back in a big way on the Internet. It seems like every website HAS to come up with some ridiculous prank or else the entire year is just a waste. “Sorry guys no paychecks this year unless everyone is convinced that Apple is now engineering iToilets. Get to work.”

Needless to say, I’m not a big fan of this day of pranks. Already this morning I was convinced Harry Potter was going to get a TV show and that Yelp started a company called “Forever Young” where you can rent puppies and then give them away when they get too big. I am just too gullible for a holiday like this.

That being said, here is BCU’s Weekend ToDos: April Fools edition.

1. Get a laugh
If you didn’t follow last weeks to dos and never planned a decent April Fools joke, your time is running out. My favorite last minute suggestion: before going out for the night, take a clear LifeSaver (I think thats the pineapple flavor) and jam it up in your friend’s shower head. As the hot water hits it, it’ll begin to melt and mix with the water. Although they wont realize it at first, when they get out to dry themselves they will notice that their skin is sticky as HELL. Right when you hear them scream, “WHAT THE F—?!?!?” is when you shout “April Foooooollllls!” and run out the door.

1. Get free stuff
Walk into the bar with a determined look on your face and proclaim to all your friends that you have quit your job and bought a plane ticket to Africa for Monday morning to help start building hospitals for unprivileged children. This will make them want to buy you drinks all night to celebrate your spontaneity, drive, and pure, unselfish heart. Once you’re sufficiently hammered, say APRIL FOOLS and leave. Afterwards, donate money to the Red Cross or something because that was not very nice.

3. Get laid
Repeat the above process at another bar, except in this case, hone in on a sexy single at the bar that you’d like to take home for “one more night of fun and passion” before you dedicate your life to saving orphans/rehabilitating elephants/rebuilding rain forests. In this case, you can say APRIL FOOLS at the moment of climax. As previously stated, immediately leave.

This April Fools Weekend, use the stupid awful not funniness of the holiday for your own gain, whether in laughs, free stuff, or booty. Either way, it’s almost Easter so you’ll have to repent pretty hard anyway. HAPPY WEEKEND!