What’s worse than staying a virgin until you get married? How about going on television to “learn sex” from a couple of creepy old people who equate foreplay to a f*cking Wizard of Oz maze on the floor?

A new show on the Discovery Channel (another educational channel bites the dust) called Virgin Coaches takes engaged couples and lets them chat with quite possibly the ickiest looking sex therapists in the universe, married couple Bill and Janean Fuller – who school them on everything from how CRAPPY their wedding night is going to be to “God sex,” which in case you were wondering involves open eyes, DUH.

We gotta give props where props are due – the Fullers emphasize female pleasure, which isn’t usually something religious types give a shit about. Good job on that, guys – ew ew EW on everything else.

For more clips of this nightmare of a show, head over to Morning After.