QUICK, GENTLEMEN, GRAB YOUR ETHERNET CABLES! According to a study reported by Reuters, using a laptop with a wi-fi connection could be baking your swimmers like a Thanksgiving turkey!

The study, performed by Argentinian scientists for Fertility and Sterility medical journal, seems to show that using the internet via a wireless connection could be the culprit for lowered sperm count. Via Reuters:

A quarter of the sperm were no longer swimming around, for instance, compared to just 14 percent from semen samples stored at the same temperature away from the computer.

And nine percent of the sperm showed DNA damage, three-fold more than the comparison samples.

Conrado Avendano of Nascentis Medicina Reproductiva believes that electromagnetic generation (from the wireless internet connection) is the cause for the destroyed sperm. There may not be a need to toss your laptop out the window just yet, though. Dr. Robert Oates, of the Society for Male Reproduction and Urology says that the findings are inconclusive.

“This is not real-life biology, this is a completely artificial setting,” he said about the new study. “It is scientifically interesting, but to me it doesn’t have any human biological relevance.”

He added that so far, no study has ever looked at whether laptop use has any influence on fertility or pregnancy outcomes.

“Suddenly all of this angst is created for real-life actual persons that doesn’t have to be,” said Oates, also of Boston Medical Center.

Reuters notes that Oates has fathered two children despite his use of both a wireless laptop and iPad, which I think is a hilarious advertisement for Apple products. “A computer that WON’T fry your sperm!”

Needless to say, Oates believes that a healthy lifestyle and diet are the most important things a man can monitor to ensure his fertility. So eat a diet rich in fruit and grains and low in red meat and alcohol if you plan on makin’ babies any time soon. Oh, and maybe keep your laptop a few inches from your baby maker.