Upon the advent of TestiMOANial Tuesday and Hump Day Hottie Wednesday, I’ve been feeling recently like Monday needs something bright and cheery to detract from the daily grind of icky, awful, and straight-up unbearable that I normally throw at you. Perhaps something like “Kama Sutra Monday” where we share a sex position from the historically awesome book o’ moves. Or maybe a weekly dating tip or meal plan for a sexy date, or something like that? I’m not sure quite yet but I’ll be brainstorming over the course of this week, and next Monday we’ll begin. How does that sound? Nice, right? Pleasant? Like a bowl of ice cream with slightly undercooked cookies? Next week. I promise.

But for now…

Here are two awful videos of people eating awful things in awful ways.

First off, here is a Russian eating contest (in the vein of Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest), except in this video the competitors manage to down $70,000 worth of caviar in the span of about 2 minutes. Apart from looking disgusting, it’s also pretty despicable. While millions of children and families starve each day, unable to buy even the basic necessities for life, these prissy Russians are shoveling thousands of dollars PER BITE of caviar for the entertainment of… um, I don’t know, EQUALLY AWFUL people.

And then we have this dumbass:

Nuff said.