As our miserable gloomy July finally recedes and the beautiful summer we expected all along arrives, you’ll notice many similarities between folks out and about. Less clothing, bigger smiles, most likely, an icy cold beer in hand. After the recent Fourth of July Weekend, it’s become apparent that people are going to enjoy the majority of their summer with a little buzz, however, you can’t help but notice the boozin’ faux pas that many people make. Aside from the obvious, like driving, texting your ex, and fighting with cops, there are a few less known mistakes that the intoxicated make. Here are BCU’s top 5 things to avoid while drunk.

1) Messing with your friends, at least too much

Regarding the photo above, do not, under any circumstances, set your friends on fire. Even if, and they will, say that it will be “soooo funny, dude,” or if they are asleep and can not argue. Even things less traumatizing, like say, covering your friend’s junk in sour cream, though hilarious, can bite you in the ass. Torturing a drunk friend can create life-long resent.

2) Facebooking

Although you might think you have the most perfect solution to the oil spill, and that the world deserves to hear it via status update, guess what. “I COLUD PULLL MY CAR DOWN THER AND FILL THE TAKN UP PROBLM SOLVEDD!!11” isn’t actually a viable option.

3) State that you are “the best” at something

For three reasons: (a) someone will get hurt, (b) no one will win, and (c) everyone will laugh at you trying to thumb wrestle to the death.

4) Telling someone you can keep a secret

Because you can’t.

5) Cook anything

This is why I like to keep a nice hearty bag of chips in my house for all drunken endeavors. There is no reason to use a stove, oven, or even microwave when intoxicated. The oven and stove are obvious of course (burnt stuff, smoke alarm, five-alarm fire that kills a box of kittens), but even a microwave isn’t your best choice. I’m sure there is no solid evidence to back this up, but I could see an accidental hour-long popcorn microwave sesh ending up giving you a tennis-ball sized brain tumor.

Happy summer, guys, and remember, always drink responsibly!