As I get older I’ve found that very few holidays still excite me. Christmas, which used to be the highest happiness peak of the entire YEAR, is now just a time to stress out and worry about how much money you’re going to have to spend on everyone in your family so as to not feel too guilty. Where once Halloween joy leaked from every pore, now is the inescapable need to lose 10 pounds before the dreaded day. And VALENTINE’S DAY? UGH. Don’t even get me started. It uses to be such a carefree and excitement-filled school day full of sneaking candy hearts and hoping that the boy you liked strategically chose the most romantic of the Ninja Turtles cards for you. Now though?

If you’re in a long-term relationship its like, “hey person I see everyday do you want to pretend like paying $45 for an undercooked salmon proves that I love you and redacts my calling you a spoiled whore last week?”

If you’re in a new relationship the woman always goes “no, haha, I don’t care, really, we don’t have to do anything. Seriously, no. Nothing. Please, I will be mad if you DO get me something justkiddingifyoudon’tbuymesomethingiwillmurderyouinyoursleep but really I don’t want ANYTHING.”

And if you’re single? Luckily there is an entire channel dedicated to the depression-induced flu you’re about to contract, and it’s called Lifetime, and it will passive-aggressively convince you that you’re batsh*t crazy.

So this year, let’s all take a stand. Say NO to the commercialization of a holiday and NO to restaurants pushing their moldy fish on your for double the market price and NO to chalky little candy hearts (unless of course, they say NICE T*TS). Let’s instead embrace the single life and call up a favorite booty call for a little Anti-Valentine’s Day fun this weekend. Why, you might ask? Well, let me give you 3 reasons why a Booty Call is Better than a Valentine.

1) A Booty Call doesn’t require roses

I understand that being a florist is probably a tough job. You work all day to arrange flowers, know their Latin names and can create a bouquet that actually has significance for whatever the occasion is (I think carnations, baby’s breath, and daisies say “sorry I called your mom a cow-dragon hybrid”). And yet people walk into your shop and say THAT ORANGE ONE IS FINE IS IT ON SALE? However, this disconnect in flora knowledge is no reason to have to spend upwards of A HUNDRED DOLLARS on a what could basically be compared to a friggin’ POTATO. They both grow from the ground and are products of evolution, right? We understand that rose supply this time of year is limited, and “supply and demand” or whatever, but hey, we aren’t all Donald Trumps over here. So instead of roses, the official flower of the booty call is the kava kava plant, which has long been called an aphrodisiac and is believed to relax and enhance libido. All roses do is prick your finger and make your apartment look like something out of an 80s music video.

2)  A Booty Call doesn’t require reservations

The night before Valentine’s Day, sneak by a closing restaurant in your neighborhood. You’ll notice that they are pushing together tables and squeezing more in. They’re also switching out the menu with a new one with much less variety and much higher numbers on it. However, unlike the florist, these prices aren’t because there aren’t enough restaurants to accommodate everyone. It’s because restaurant owners know that dudes basically have RELATIONSHIP JURY DUTY on Valentine’s Day and if they don’t make the proper arrangements they will be served with a 2 months sentence in RELATIONSHIP JAIL. In a booty call? NO WAY. No reservations, no crammed together tables full of arguing couples, just you and your booty call date and all the room in the world for, well… whatever you have planned ;).

3) A Booty Call doesn’t require Requirements

Bottom line: a booty call is a fun, casual way to spend your Valentine’s Day without feeling the added pressure of sappy romance and cultural requirements. As the OBC motto goes, “you don’t have to promise marriage just to get a date.” Let’s be honest, February 14th has no real historical significance unless you are truly dedicated to 4th century Roman Catholic rituals, and even THEN there is little to abide by… but if the rest of the world is going to hole themselves up in a crappy little French restaurant because their store-bought calendar told them to, then why not have a little fun of your own with a like-minded sexy single? Call up a past fling, a friend with benefits, or maybe even meet someone new from OBC, and make this Anti-Valentine’s Day count (use this card for a higher success rate, btw).

Check back tomorrow for the top 3 things you have to do this Anti-Valentine’s Day weekend for great tips on fun things to do with your Anti-Valentine’s Date. See you then!