Today is Tuesday. Like the penny, I feel that Tuesday is a worthless, annoying extra in our week that should be done away with. We could just round to the nearest Wednesday, and everyone would be happy, and no one would have those “what day is it? OH MY GOD IT’S ONLY TUESDAY” moments.

Tuesday is the day you’re most likely to leave your lunch on the coffee table on the way out the door. It’s the day you’ll run into that super hot guy in the lobby and you just so happen to be in Uggs and sweatpants and eating a bowl of tofu. Tuesdays are the days your car battery is dead and you realize you forgot to renew your Triple-A subscription. It’s the day you just want to slap everyone and everyone wants to slap you.

Tuesday is the day you try to climb a fence to see your favorite band perform, almost get impaled on it, and then end up flashing all your goodies to the crowd. Oh, and then someone uploads it to YouTube. SCREW YOU TUESDAY, GO BACK TO HELL WHERE YOU CAME FROM.