Among other reasons (approximately two to three hundred thousand reasons), this is why marriage is dead:

There are three possibilities here:

1) Doug Hutchison might be a 51-year-old man who is marrying a 16-year-old girl, which is gross.

2) Doug Hutchison might be marrying a 30-year-old woman who is posing as a 16-year-old to drum up publicity, which is gross.

3) Doug Hutchison is a figment of our imaginations because we’re all in comas and our brains are being dissected by aliens to find out how the destruction of earth happened back in the late 90s, which is less gross than the above two.