You know when people use the phrase, “You need another [whatever] like I need CANCER” (I don’t know if it’s cancer, it might be a black eye or a hole in the head but for for the sake of this post let’s go with cancer*)? Well, they should just stop using that phrase for anything else and only use it for the above product: Smoking Mittens.

Because we haven’t already enabled the tobacco industry enough in the past 200 years despite the fact that incontrovertible evidence shows that smoking cigarettes damages your lungs and heart and shortens your lifespan and ages you exponentially faster AND makes your hair smell super gross, let’s go ahead and make sure that when people are LITERALLY inhaling POISON into their lungs they can at least have their wittle hands stay nice and cozy wozy.

Good job, jerks.