Things You Don’t Need: Celebrity Look-a-like Masks
I suppose there comes a time in every weirdo’s life where they realize, hey, I’m weird, and no one is ever going to accept my weirdness so I guess I might as well just take the crazy train to Nutsville. I imagine that’s why hoarding and Real Girls and Second Life exist, and that would probably be the reason that someone invented ThatsMyFace.com, where you can purchase a mask of a celebrity, or of ANY person of whom you have “quality photos of [their] face and profile.” The company will even modify the mask slightly to match your age and ethnicity, for what they say is a “clever mask for Halloween.” Sure, okay, maybe, except that the masks cost THREE HUNDRED F*CKING DOLLARS.
Alright, so let’s go ahead and assume that these $300 masks aren’t going to be used for evil. Let’s say someone isn’t going to guy a mask of a neighbor’s husband in order to creep in through a window in the middle of the day and have technically consensual sex with their wife, and isn’t going to order the face of an elderly woman and ask a nurse to give them several suppositories, and definitely isn’t going to wander around with George Clooney’s face and try and hit on underaged girls. Let’s pretend that’s NOT what’s going to happen (even though it is).
Let’s assume you were just buying these $300 masks for “Halloween.” Well guess what, Halloween is over, and now you have a $300 mask in your house that completely transforms your face into that of someone else, but you still probably have no friends, and are sitting alone in your house, listening to Linkin Park, drinking warm chocolate milk and wondering what you’re going to do tonight since your computer is down so you can’t even play World of Warcraft.
Aaaannnnd cue the raping.