I know what you’re thinking. “Duh, ALL WEDDING VIDEOS are embarrassing.” I know. All wedding videos are inherently embarrassing because everything about a wedding is weird and archaic and kid of silly. However, most videos are taking by like, your uncle who teaches an AV class at a high school so the video quality is kind of crappy and the whole time the bride and groom are like “haha, thanks Uncle Greg but I’m trying to eat now get that out of my face before I stab you, haha” and also usually one of your grandparents says something racist on camera. Or something.

Unfortunately, the video has been taken down, supposedly for copyright reasons, but more likely because Tony Romo’s feelings got hurt. Luckily, yours truly caught a glimpse before it was rudely removed, and let me tell you.  Maybe all wedding videos are embarrassing, but.

In the case of Tony Romo and his bride, Candice Crawford’s wedding video, however, it is embarrassing for several, BRAND NEW, unprecedented reasons. Reason #1:

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHH. Hi, six year old Tony Romo! When you grow up and decide to get married someday, don’t forget to maybe put a comb through your hair like once, ok?

Reason #2. One word: Coldplay.

Reason #3. Can you IMAGINE the faces on the rest of the Cowboys’ faces when they saw the five minute long, Nicholas Sparks looking, hilariously cheeseballs video? Do you think they were able to stifle their laughter appropriately, or do think someone vomited into their seafood risotto? I’m guessing the latter.

Reason #4: The Dallas Observer said it looked like “Bad-Ass Movie Trailer.” I’m sure. I mean add it to the list right between Iron Man and The Departed, amiright?! BAD-ASS!

Reason #5: Well, I don’t want to be too mean to the goofiest lookin’ guy in NFL football, so I’ll stop here. But in my oh-so-humble opinion, this video just HAD to be his new wife’s idea. Candice Crawford is the sister of Gossip Girl actor Chace Crawford, and a Texas sports-commentator, AND a former beauty queen. For a alpha-male quarterback like Tony Romo to let his blondie wife force him into one of the corniest, most cringe-inducing wedding videos ever, I can only guess one thing:

DAT BOY IS WHIPPED.