It’s Fridayyyyyy (the 13th, by the way, so no walking under ladders and absolutely NO punching mirrors, Dominic Monaghan.) and it’s time to start planning out your weekend. BCU has decided to start Friday blog posts about the three things you should do this weekend, every once in a while peppering in some things you definitely SHOULDN’T do, such as, “DON’T go to Glamour Shots, because they will probably end up looking like these.” (number 5 is totally your future wife, btw). So, without further adieu, BCU’s top 3 things you HAVE TOdo this weekend.

1) PRE-SEASON FOOTBALL MOTHER F***ER!

FOOT! BALL! FOOT! BALL! SPORTS! MEN! BEER! Okay, I’m tired. But anyway, preseason football is here, and this year people care more than ever. I have learned that if you’re thinking about changing the channel away from ESPN around a guy, you might as well shoot him in the head execution-style, and also, you’ll never receive a more evil, condescending stare as you will if you try and convince a  man that “it’s not even the real season yet” because ALL football is REAL and it MATTERS, OKAY, and SHUT UP. Anyway — get on board, hit your favorite bar, and on Saturday watch the Chargers Vs Bears game, Sunday the Denver Vs. TO and Ochocinco game. Whatever you do, even if you miss the games, find out what happened or else you will have absolutely NOTHING to talk to anyone about for the next six months.

2) See the Expendables

And don’t you DARE see Eat, Pray, Vomit or whatever it’s called, because you respect yourself too much to subject your eyes and brain and soul to two hours of Julia Roberts being like blah blah blah India blah blah blah divorce blah blah blah not real problems.

3) Get laid

According to Reuters, men who wear red are more attractive to the opposite sex, so bust out that red cardigan and get to work! Now, personally, I find that most men look terrible in red, so what I mean to say is, shave that awkward ‘stache you’ve been attempting, take a shower, and maybe wear a shirt with buttons? I don’t know, call me crazy, but when you start chatting up that lady at the bar on Saturday when you’re cheering on Philip Rivers (because that’s what gentlemen do), she’s gonna pay attention to whether or not you look like you own soap and/or hangers. Make this weekend count!

This has been the Friday the 13th edition of the Things You Have to Do This Weekend. Annnnnd BREAK.