Sometimes you wake up to the cozy smell of coffee brewing from the kitchen. Sometimes, you arise to the smell of your date showering in your bathroom (go join them!) Sometimes you wake up with the stale taste of booze in your mouth and the knowledge that you’ll be spending the day in the fetal position. And sometimes, you wake up to a foul-mouthed, R-rated movie trailer featuring Viagra, booze, sex, and Zac Efron hiding his erection in the toilet.

Today is that day.