Well, football is over. That’s it until nex- well, okay, until the draft, which is in April, but that still leaves us with two and a half months of football-less America. And I don’t know about you, but I would rather throw myself off a cliff.

Not only is the season over, but we kinda went out with less of a bang and more of a fizzle, huh? I mean, the game itself was pretty exciting I guess, with the Steelers making a valiant attempt to close the 21 – 10 gap left by Aaron Rodgers and the Packers at the end of the first half. Rapist-berger made a few heinous mistakes early on, though, that may have cost his team the game, and I imagine Rashard Mendenhall is rocking back and forth in a bathtub full of his own tears right now.

Let’s be honest, though, the game itself isn’t all we sit down to see on the first Sunday of February. It’s the experience, the whole EVENT of the Super Bowl that we come for. And we’ve got to say that the “experience” was reminiscent of, I dunno, hearing your parents having sex. For example:

1) Christina Aguilara hates America

Alright look, let’s get this one out of the way. Xtina botched the sh** out of that song. I mean, no one is going to try and say she has a terrible voice, no one is going to say she doesn’t have stage presence, and no one is going to say that the Nation Anthem is easy to sing, especially in front of basically THE ENTIRE NATION. However, if she’d spent more time learning the lyrics and less time deciding how many dozen extra syllables she was going to add each verse, maybe she’d have remembered all the verses. Also, real quick- when did Christina’s face turn into a puffed marshmallow? Did I miss something?

2) The commercials were just like… commercials

So, there was the whole Eminem thing. We get it, Slim, you’re tough. You can do commercials for an old lady drink and still be tough. COOL GUY ALERT. And then there was the Groupon “Tibet” thing. No one can agree on whether it was a satirical look at Americans and their priorities or if it was a shockingly heartless blow to an oppressed nation. I guess it stirred up some controversy at least, so, good… job? And then there was the “Detroit” thing by Chrysler (barf), Kim Kardashian for Shape Ups (double barf) and of course the annual display of Go Daddy attempting to be sexy (Jon and Kate Plus Eight BARFS). The only good one was the VW commercial with the little Darth Vader. If that were an Ebay sale, I’d say A +++, would watch again.

3) The half-time disaster sent from hell to burn our eyes and melt our ears off

WHAT.

WAS.

THAT.

Well, that’s your Super Bowl recap of 2011. Hope you’ll join us next year when hopefully they spend the 50 million dollars they allot for the half time show and do something with it that’s less of a waste. Say for example, giving it to charity, or, I dunno, throwing it in the trash.