This week has seen two very similar celebrity breakups, between footballer Jay Cutler and his reality-star lady Kristin Cavallari, and notorious philanderer Jesse James and his tattooed vixen Kat Von D. Why are they so similar? They happened BEFORE the wedding!

Earlier this week, rumors swirled that Jay Cutler and his fiancee, who had just celebrated their engagement party, called off their wedding. Kristin was seen the next day walking her dog without her engagement ring on, and Jay changed his Facebook status to “single,” which is just about as hilariously immature as you can get. People reports that the engagement was called off due to Cutler’s “controlling” ways, although I don’t understand how you get through a year of a relationship and half of an engagement before deciding that. Needless to say, the couple are done-zo just in time for the NFL lockout to end. Coincidence? I think not.

And in much more obviously obvious news, Sandra Bullock’s cheating ex Jesse James has called off his wedding to tattoo artist and reality star Kat Von D, and as E! News reports,

Kat broke the news tonight on Twitter, posting, “I am no longer w Jesse, and out of respect for him, his family and myself, thats all the info I’d like to share. Thanks for respecting that.”
The couple began dating in August 2010, shortly after the scandal broke of the 42-year-old James cheating on ex-wife Sandra Bullock.

Although James claims the split is due to the difficulty of a long-distance relationship, we wonder more if maybe Kat Von D just woke up from a drug-induced walking coma and realized she was about to MARRY a dude who clearly is HORRIBLE at marriage. It would be like the Patriots drafting a kid with a degenerative bone disease to play defensive tackle. “So I know that you broke an arm last week reaching for a cereal box on the top shelf, but here, put on this gear and try to stop these 300 pound men running at full speed. Got it? Let’s go, Timmy” is almost as ridiculous as “I know that you cheated on your beautiful, talented wife with a Nazi sympathizing stripper while your wife was in the middle of adopting a black child , but something tells me you’d make a GREAT husband.”

They only thing we can say to their credit is that both couples realized their mistakes BEFORE exchanging vows. At least neither of them will have to go through an expensive divorce, right? Anyone? ::crickets::