Imagine: it’s the end of civilization as we know it. You’re trekking through the burning, decimated city, pushing a shopping cart full of guns and Spam, using your hook-arm (there was a nuclear blast a few weeks ago that took your right hand) to ward off the mutant rats trying to get to your food supply. The sun is beating down upon your back, singing your skin and making you sweat, but you can’t afford sunscreen because it’s a luxury now and costs fourteen dog teeth and hub cap (because money is obsolete).

You finally find a small enclave where you open a can of Spam, spread peanut butter on a slice, and enjoy. You realize, fearful and alone, that you have not had sex in… what has it been, 8 months since the meteor hit? 8 months since all the men in the world contracted airborne syphilis and died off?

[cue the infomercial music]

THAT’S WHEN YOU’LL WISH YOU HAD SOLAR BULLET, THE TOTALLY RENEWABLE SUN-POWERED STIMULATOR! Sure your friends and family have been eaten by bull-cats and you are slowly feeling the effects of the nuclear goo seeping into the drinking water, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want to get off! Luckily, with the SOLAR BULLET, all you need is the sun to get a nice, mid-apocalypse orgasm. Ladies, you may soon have to relearn the insect skill of procreating asexually, but that doesn’t mean you won’t want to pop one off every now and then, right? And considering the power-grid has been reduced to a pile of radioactive ash, you’ll have no choice but to use solar power to get your jollies. Call today to order your very own Solar Bullet for 3 payments of only $19.99. “60 bucks?!” you think? Well guess what, this is your only opportunity. The SOLAR BULLET is going fast. SO ORDER TODAY, or be stuck in a mushroom cloud of a world, crying yourself to sleep without even a vibrator to help you. CALL NOW AND WE’LL THROW IN SOME ANTISEPTIC WIPES.

[source]