GET IT? SNAKES ON A PLANE REFERENCE! You know how jokes about movies that are 5 years old are great and always funny, right? They are always funny! HAHA! Wait what? What’s that? Am I in an oddly good mood? Uh, no! Not that I know of! I mean, it’s not like anything exciting is happening today SUCH AS MY BIRTHDAY OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT so why would I be in a great mood?! EXACTLY! NO REASON!

Anyway, in honor of a person WHOSE BIRTHDAY IT IS NOT, a person who is terrified of elevators and the bowling ball return machine and go carts and shopping carts, here is a video to remind you that there is something else to be terrified of: ATMs. Before today you may have thought that they were just simple little machines that spat money out at you, but it turns out they are actually monster-harboring death traps that want to kill you just like everything else in this god-forsaken world.

Horrible, right? Don’t worry. I’ve got a palate cleanser:

HAPPY NOT MY BIRTHDAY, EVERYONE! Have a great day!