First impressions are important. The first time you meet a sexy single could affect whether you’d want to make them a future booty call. The first time you meet a co-worker you’ll probably know if you’ll love or hate your job. And the first time you read a Cosmo sex tip, just the wording itself can be enough to make you cringe and swear off sex forever.

Like say this week’s sex tip, which uses an unnecessary metaphor to explain itself that is so lame, it makes us never want to even TRY it.

Cup your BUN around his HOT DOG? Did we just time travel to seventh grade, because this writer might as well have just said “PUT YOUR HANDSIE AROUND HIS WEINER HEEHEEHEE.” Striking out that awkward terminology, this tip could have been a great one. But instead, I’m left here thinking of yesterday’s cookout and picturing some poor naive girl going down on a guy and saying, “and now I put my bun around your hot dog.” Talk about a turn off!

We love Cosmo for encouraging women to embrace their sexuality and enjoy themselves in bed. But after decades of giving tips, we think they’re running out of steam. Like the steam you might use to, say, I don’t know, COOK A HOT DOG.