I am a big fan of “DIY,” or “doing it yourself.” A majority of my house’s renovation projects were completed with just some printed out instructions, a glass of wine, and my own skills (or lack thereof). However, there are just certain things that should be left to the professionals, like say, trying to add a second story, or dangerous electrical work, or almost any plumbing issue trustmeonthatoneguysseriouslyIknow. Or, in the case of this week’s Silly Sex Tip of the Day, MAKING NIPPLE CLAMPS.

Cosmo recently released a set of “kinky sex moves” based on the recent literary hit, Fifty Shades of Grey, an erotic e-novel for women that is apparently chock full of dirty sexy scenes. Most are pretty tame (and totally boring, IMHO), but one stuck out as being especially dumb:

Why it’s dumb:
Listen here, ladies. If you are getting down and dirty with a boyfriend or booty call or one night stand, do NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES pull a couple bobby pins out of your hair and try to attach them to your partner’s nipples. It is just not okay, because A) bobby pins should probably never touch a guy unless he’s pulling them from every crevice of his apartment after you leave, and B) bobby pins are made to hold and stay attached to a few strands of hair, and nipples are quite a bit thicker than that and that SH*T HURTS trustmeagainpleaseseriously. And look, I’m all for a little bit of kinky S&M action in the bedroom, but if that’s the case, splurge on a real pair like these, discuss the idea beforehand, have a safe word and LEAVE THE BOBBY PINS IN YOUR HAIR, CREEP.