I relish a great sex dream, despite their unfortunate label of “wet dreams” by stupid 7th grade health teachers. I find few things more exciting than those unannounced, yet enrapturing sex dreams. They happen far too rarely. Maybe I have better sex dreams than most people (many people only have symbolic sex dreams) or maybe not… but I do know that I am a vivid dreamer that can hold on to the memory and feelings of a dream for several days.

Interestingly, when sex dreams do occur for me, it’s never with someone I know, or at least, not an exact representation. Often, it’s only later that I realize who the person in the dream represents in my real life.

Yet, experiencing that moment in the dream, that person is someone new, different, stunning, and amazing… to be straight, it’s a like a finding a new fling, a new intense attraction, and this I love. Hell, many times I’ve actually been bummed to realize the person I had “connected” with in my dreams isn’t real and will never be a real part of my life. It’s wild, I know.

So, what does this say about our subconscious? For me, it’s not only a reminder of our extraordinary yearning for sexual intimacy, but also our profound desire to have more than one mate. There is a deep longing manifested in our dreams, where our conscience and inhibitions are not available to prevent our unvoiced impulses.

In this regard we can look at the conscious discipline required for a successful marriage. One must be willing to overcome these powerful wishes, a noble feat, should it be achieved. Plus, it’s not meant to be an exercise of a few months or years, but by the very essence of marriage, it’s meant to be a lifetime. For some of the “blessed” who believe in eternal souls, marriage signifies a devotion for all of time. Yes, a commitment to infinity.

I don’t presume to tell everyone what to do with their love life, or how they should structure their relationships. I wish only to caution, that the commitment to marriage and monogamy is truly a tough row to hoe.

So, we must take the hard-look in the mirror and see if we are being realistic about the choice to promise ourselves, to another, forever. It can be hard to do the right thing, but if you’re not up for the challenge, if there is any doubt, stop. Don’t rush, get right with yourself and understand what is required before you fail to live up to your word.

Sex dreams… why so hush hush? Simple. We are afraid to talk about our desires for sex, our desires for others, and admit the life we are living might just be a lie…

Finally, remember (and pay respect to) the people who do sacrifice lust, carnal desires, every day for their entire life so they can have real marriages. These people are indeed amazing; they are people worthy of our most sincere congratulations. Yet, this discipline is a choice, not a requirement to be lorded over everyone’s head.

Marriage is a discipline, and just like fasting, it should be exercised only by those who willingly choose the path and understand the sacrifices required to walk it.