This week in Obviously Obvious News…

I’ve never understood dudes’ affinity for punching each other in the balls. I mean, really, what do you get out of watching your friend writhing in pain, looking like they’re going to throw up all over themselves? You men practically cry watching a TV show where someone hurts their junk, and yet you have no problem viciously attacking a guy you consider to be your ‘bro’. It genuinely blows my mind.

Well, maybe this will finally force you to cut it out: a recent report by MSNBC stated that nearly 8,000 young men were treated for testicular tortion last year, most as a result from your so-called “friendly junk bumps.” However, doctors guess probably far more boys were injured and were just too embarrassed to come forward.

Guess what, brosephs — your little game of hitting each other where it hurts could be severely damaging- although a fairly non-invasive surgery can be used to fix the injury, those who don’t could see a doctor could suffer gangrene and have to have their testicle removed. That’s right: your balls could look like this:

OH GOD NEVERMIND THE PHOTOS ARE TOO TERRIBLE TO POST.

Needless to say…

Stop punching each other in the balls, you guys. It’s like messing with guns:  If you’re not careful, you’ll shoot your eyeball out, except in this case the gun is your friends fist and the eyeball is your… well… ball ball.