Recently, our stance on monogamous relationships and marriage has shifted very slightly. While we’re still not pro-traditional-marriage (meet, immediately become monogamous, never explore other options, get married after 2 years, get divorced after another 2), we’ve seen so many of our own members find fulfilling relationships on our site that we’ve realized hey – maybe the problem isn’t monogamy itself, but the way we’re going about it! If relationships are formed honestly and casually, instead of desperately and obsessively, then maybe long-term relationships CAN work out after all (assuming you are not a high-profile celebrity, of course)!

Plus, one of our big theories, that people in relationships are more likely to go crazy on each other, might not be 100% accurate either. This week, we have TWO dumb criminal stories, one from a long-term couple, and the other from a casual one. And SPOILER ALERT: they’re both INSANE.

First up is from #teamSINGLE, where a “lovely” Tennessee woman met up with a “delightful” gentleman she met on the dating site meetme.com. After hitting it off, I would imagine, Lynette Lee and her gentleman friend went straight to a hotel to further explore their compatibility. What ensued in the hotel room will never be known for sure, but what we do know is that she called the police afterwards and claimed that her date had raped her. Y-to-the-ikes. Fast forward to four days later, though, and Lynette recanted her story. Okay, fine, maybe she wasn’t “raped,” per se, but as far as sex goes, “she did not enjoy it and it was bad.” SO SAMESIES, BASICALLY.

Lynette was then arrested on a charge of filing a false police report. She’s is also being held in contempt by every woman in the history of time who has been accused of lying about rape. She is also being called, among other names, “a huge lying bitch.” Moral of the story? Well, obviously don’t be a bitch, but also, dudes… don’t stick your dick in crazy.

Then we have a story that kinda makes us think that yeah, okay, we’ll stick to being single:

According to Deadline.com, a lover’s quarrel ended in disaster when an argument over Walking Dead ended in a gunshot wound to the back. Yes, you read that right. A GUN SHOT.

Jared Gurman, 26, of Long Island, and his girlfriend were apparently arguing over whether or not a Walking Dead style zombie apocalypse could actually happen. While Gurman insisted that “there could be military mishap that would result in some sort of virus being released that could cause a terrible thing to happen,” his girlfriend said it was impossible, and his ideas were “ridiculous.” The fight escalated enough that his girlfriend left and went home. The two continued to argue over text message, and when his girlfriend returned to his house later that night, HE SHOT HER IN THE F***ING BACK WITH A .22 CALIBER RIFLE, puncturing a lung and diaphragm, shattering a rib, and leaving her critical condition at a local hospital.

Though Gulman initially claimed it was an accident, he admitted later that in fact, he shot her on purpose. Because she didn’t agree that Walking Dead could actually happen.

As always, this Dumb Criminal Off is up to you. Who is crazier? My vote goes to The World’s #1 Walking Dead Fan up there, although crying rape cause someone’s thrusting rhythm is off is pretty nutso too. Let us know in the comments!