March Madness is upon us and offices around the country are betting on which college basketball teams are gonna make it the distance. People are throwing down cash, making guesses on teams they didn’t even know existed, and just hoping and praying that they MAYBE MIGHT BE SLIGHTLY BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE and win the pot to spend on pot a smart investment in the stock market.

And in case you wanted to have even LESS HOPE in your bracket winning, check out this story from The Daily Mail in which a math professor claims that if you know nothing about basketball, you have a 1 in 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 of getting all your picks right. Yep, one in a QUINTILLION.

DePaul University (oh hey look, one of those universities I’ve never heard of) math professor Jeff Bergen says that while there’s always a chance you might do ever-so-slightly better than Craig in accounting, there’s basically no chance that us basketball-ignorant foos could possibly get all our picks right.

What about those of you that actually have some knowledge of the sport? Well, it’s better, but still slim – Professor Bergen says knowledgable b-ball bracketers have 1/4 of 1 percent chance of getting them all right.

Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still try, though, says the professor. After all, “everyone else’s bracket goes down the tube too!”

I dunno, though. I think I’ll save my money for a Slim Jim and a Mickey’s. It’ll cause me less stress.