If there is one person you should ask sex tips from, it’s probably someone who has vigorously studied the topic with a wide range of people, right? That’s why over on Reddit, a user turned to sex therapists to ask a big question:

“What do you wish more people knew, and what are some of the most obscure things people have come to you with?”

As a dating site geared towards sex-positive folks who are open to fun, casual hook ups and steamy connections, this question is right up our alley. Check out some of the answers below:

“It’s okay to practice sex, and give each other a break if you ‘mess it up.’ Starting a sexual encounter doesn’t obligate you to finish it.”

“Feeling sexy comes from leaning into ‘being sexy,’ so scheduled sex today can lead to delightfully spontaneous sex tomorrow.”

“Never stick anything in your butt that you can’t pull out easily. If something ends up stuck in the butt, don’t try to get it out. You’ll only push it in deeper (and prepare for a really weird poop). You need to wash your goddamned sex toys, and consider using condoms on them. They’ll last longer, and be more hygienic. Never use a silicone-based lube on a sex toy.”

“Female condoms have improved significantly over the years. They’re a lot more comfortable, they cost less, and they give you a lot of control.”

“Sex is just as mental as it is physical. Be in a good mood with no stress in the back of your mind, have a healthy meal, and focus on arousing thoughts and imagery (consistently) hours before sex (or even longer). This will make your sex life better, whether it’s a relationship or a hookup.”

“The best sex toys are either high-grade silicone, glass, or surgical steel (the latter two are also great for temperature play). Any of these three can be washed in the dishwasher.”

“Never sleep inside your partner/have your partner sleep inside of you if you’re using a condom. Between shifting and shrinking, all that semen will have a nice easy opportunity to work its way up the sides of the rubber.”