If this isn’t another sign of the coming apocalypse (more on that tomorrow), I don’t know what is. After a British reality show created a surge in sales after showing a Vajazzling session on their show, “The Only Way is Essex,” star Mark Wright has decided to launch a men’s version of the nether-region accessories, called, of course: Pejazzling.

“TOWIE,” as the show is nicknamed, is said to be Britain’s version of the Jersey Shore, so it makes sense that a fashion that would come out of the show would be gaudy, trashy, over-the-top, and obnoxious.  According to Mark, when he discovered that 40% of pubic region sticky users were men (doubtful), he decided to “speak out” for the many men who like to put pretty sparkly jewels all over their cutesy-wootsey ballsies. Or something. Needless to say, sales of the Pejazzling tools are skyrocketing, which means men all over Europe are creeps.

I am sure I could just leave this post as that, just say, you know, Pejazzling exists, let’s get on with our lives, but I’m sure that there is one thing you are DYING to know – WHAT PEJAZZLING SHAPES ARE THE MOST POPULAR? Obviously the Iron Cross and red lips shape, right? OBVIOUSLY.

UGH. Let’s never speak about this again.