As much as I hate daytime feel-goodery talk shows, sometimes I think maybe I should just make it my second job to show up to them because people are always getting free sh-t just for showing up, sitting in a chair, and pretending to care when Tyra starts talking about women with two vaginas or crying over people thinking she has fake cha-chas. I could totally pretend that if it meant I was taking home a free Dyson bladeless fan, because those things are like MAGIC.

And of course, Tyra and the Bonnie Hunt Show are on one end of the crappy TV spectrum, and then there is Oprah. Oprah, the shining beacon of leadership and hope to stay at home moms across the nation. She’s not passing out little hair conditioner samples, no no no.  We found out today that she’s taking her entire audience on a free 8 day trip to Australia. Even crazier news? The Prime Minister of Australia says that they’ll be footing the entire $3 million bill. Sounds inherently awesome, right?

It is, until you find out John Travolta is piloting the jet that takes them all down under. No thanks, Oprah. I don’t wanna risk the chance that this is all some Scientology-based suicide pact between you two and you’re going to fly the jet directly into the Mission Valley Outback Steakhouse.