What are your plans this weekend? None? Yeah, us either. That is until just now, when we read this BuzzFeed article about a Netflix movie called 365 Days that is apparently so raunchy and graphic that it’s getting people hot and bothered WORLDWIDE. Ok, count us in. What’s 365 Days about?

Massimo (Michele Morrone) is a large man with a big jaw who is the son of a Sicilian gangster. Moments before his father is killed during a meeting with black market traders, he sees a beautiful woman on the beach and then spends years searching for her as he takes over the family business. When he finally finds Laura (Anna-Maria Sieklucka), the hot Polish woman from the beach, while she’s vacationing in Sicily, he kidnaps her and gives her a year to fall in love with him. If she doesn’t, she’s free to return to her mediocre life in Poland with her even more mediocre boyfriend. The entire middle of the movie is him holding her wrists and saying some variation of “I won’t force you but I also don’t like to be teased” and shoving her around some giant Italian fortress he lives in while she tries to run away. There’s also a Pretty Woman–like sequence where he and his goons take her shopping and recommend she not wear short dresses to nightclubs, which she of course does and then “pays” for it.

Laura falls in love with him after two months (sure, Jan), gets pregnant while planning the wedding, and then is maybe killed by a rival mafia family before she can tell him the great news.

Eh, I dunno, that doesn’t sound all that sexy to me. Where’s the sexy time? Oh wait, here we go:

Spliced between the four makeover scenes — including one where two gay men in hideous suits play dress-up with her while she is still a kidnapping victim by Massimo, the murderous, creepy mobster who happens to believe in fate — are at least 30 minutes of raw-dog fucking. You don’t see any penetration, but I’m not sure it actually matters since the movie is plenty graphic without seeing that terrible porn angle of balls slapping against some poor woman’s butt. Within the first 15 minutes alone, Laura is graphically masturbating in her bed after being rejected by her dolt of a boyfriend, and Massimo is getting a violent blowjob from a flight attendant on his private jet. Did I ever think I would live to see the day where “[slurping]” was a frequently used subtitle on a Netflix movie, available to anyone to watch in broad daylight? I did not!!!

Now, we’re not sure if that description was meant to turn us on or off, but it has CERTAINLY piqued our curiosity. Check back with us next week and find out if the movie is erotic… or just idiotic.