I don’t know if you heard the news, but Harold Camping, the wet toothpick who runs FamilyRadio, has said that the Rapture DID happen. It was just a “spiritual rapture,” and the true biz-nass is going down on October 21st, just like he said before. Good to know – at least we get to enjoy the whole summer before we all fall into massive fissures in the Earth’s crust or whatever, right?

Until then, let’s just go about our business like nothing happened, I guess. And if we’re going about our day like nothing happened, then I guess that means it’s time for another edition of BCU’S MOST WTF SEARCH TERMS! HOORAY!

1. “Fat people in leotard with midget”

If there is one thing that the internet has taught us, it’s about Rule 34 – if it exists, there is porn of it. From cartoon characters to inanimate objects, I constantly encounter new and more insane ways that people get off. Fat people in leotard with midget is actually quite a tame subject, although without any frame of reference, the picture I see in my head is rather disturbing. I would type the search phrase into Google to see what it actually looks like, but I’m scared I might have a brain aneurysm.

2. “Cheeneese porn”

This search term could very well be a couple different things. Either someone who is illiterate is looking for Chinese porn, in which case, okay, but maybe you should be searching “Hooked on Phonics” instead, OR someone mistyped “Cheese porn,” in which case, well… Rule 34 again.

3. “Penis size 22”

A lot of people discuss the fact that America is the only dumb, stubborn country not to switch over to the metric system like every other country in the world. Which leads me to wonder if in other countries they also use a different measuring unit for penises too. Over in the states we just say, “oh, his penis was 5 inches.” I wonder if they have an entire unit of measurement for genitals overseas! Well, either that or they mean 22 cm, which is about 8 inches. So to the person who was searching that – good job, you are definitely above average!

4. “Flail that booty”

I like this one, because it could be such a variety of things. Flail can mean either a medieval military weapon, a tool used to separate grain, or the physical movement attributed to both tools. So… was the person searching for a terrifying video of someone’s booty getting beat with a weapon, an agricultural tool, or… most likely – someone shaking their booty around? We’re hoping it’s the latter, and if they did, would also like to see video of it.

5. “Contact Chanel Iman”

This one gets the award for the funniest search term of the month, I’d say. Why, you ask? Because any person who was a legitimate casting director or producer or booking agent would know the proper channels to access a super model like Chanel Iman. Which means some goon is trying to meet the supermodel. I can just picture it now: a chubby 30 year old in his mom’s basement, one hand holding an Arby’s sandwich, the other typing in “contact Chanel Iman” into Google. “Just trying to get in touch with Chanel. I just have to ask her a question that’s all. Not a stalker. Ignore the doll in the corner with Chanel’s face glued on.”

Well, that’s it for May’s top 5 Most WTF Search Terms. Keep up the creepiness guys, it sure gives us a good laugh!