I have come to terms with the fact that the most people who read this blog (or accidentally come across it and close it immediately) are weirdos. Creeps, weirdos, freaks, nutjobs, psychos, and pervs. But it’s fine, because I too am all of those things (especially a creep. I am a HUGE creep). And after 7 volumes of learning what all you weirdos are searching for on the web, I have developed a sort of shield – an extra skin that prevents your nasty-ass search terms from invading my dreams like they used to, you freak-shows.

That being said, I LOVE YOU, PLEASE KEEP READING THIS BLOG.

This month’s top 5 most WTF BCU Search Terms:

1. “Why are celebrities dumb” – I wish I could create a secondary category: The Most Hilariously Poignant BCU Search Terms, because this one would win by a landslide. I’ve never actually asked this question, so if you’ll excuse me I have to go Google something.

2. “booty meat” – I’m not sure if this person means it in the colloquial sense, like “check out all the meat on that booty,” or if they are actually wondering what they could do with the flesh from someone’s glutes, but I am PRAYING that it was the former, otherwise I may have to go to the FBI with this one.

3. tie between: “celebrities peeing” and “girl poop” – either one is gross enough to make my brain go in a million different directions. I mean, I imagine they each ended up reading this Owen Wilson story and the GoGirl poop-smell-cover-up spray, but I imagine that is not what they were looking for.

4. “is cum a good present?” – HAHAHAHA. I love this because we actually have a post that talks about a medical journal article that said semen is a good gift, in a total joking manner. But I have a feeling that this person’s search was not in jest. They were literally wondering if boxing up a container of their reproductive matter would be a nice present for a lady. In short, NO.

5. “why haven’t I gotten laid yet?” – (interesting note – if you type “why haven’t I” into Google, you’ll get a wide range of options from “why haven’t I gotten my period yet?” (awww)  to “why haven’t I killed myself yet” (eeeesh), but nowhere in the top options does the quintessential “why haven’t I gotten laid yet” pop up. Seems strange considering I’m pretty sure the male equivalent of a period is getting a blowy in a little league dugout, right?) ANYWAY, whoever you are, person wondering why they haven’t gotten laid yet, you should sign into OBC RIGHT NOW. I am more than certain someone would be willing to end your dry spell!

And I’m off, feel free to join me for a bit of EyeBleach.