After watching the hilarious video below featuring comedian Peet Guercio discussing quite possibly the most uncomfortable post-hookup e-mail (e-mail?! Really?!) ever to be sent ever, we began thinking about our own awkward post-hook up stories so you know to avoid them. Keep this post bookmarked for future reference, because you know it’s gonna happen eventually.

1) The post-coitus STD talk

Although you’ll probably never experience the e-mail that Peet got (we hope), there are always the few people in the world who decide that the heavy breathing, laughing and blushing post-sex moments are the perfect time to be like, “HEY SO YOU DONT GOT THE HIV OR NOTHIN, RIGHT?” We understand that safety is a priority, but by gloving your junk and/or discussing these things before hand, we can nix the part where you roll over all sexily and whisper, “I hope your genitals didn’t give mine a disease.”

2) The morning after text-off

A simple “that was fun” can be the cherry on the cake of a great hook up. But if its followed by “right?” “hello?” “you aren’t mad are you?” “do you hate me?” “DO YOU DO THIS TO ALL WOMEN????” are admissions of a chick’s insecurity and well… nuttiness. Keep the allusion of mystery with your one-night-stand by avoiding too many texts the next day.

3) Tears McGee

Seriously, don’t cry after sex. Just… don’t.

4)The small-talker

Once you’ve been rolling around in the sack for an entire night with a person, the need to discuss your family tree is… minimal. Keep that for the off chance that you’ll ever go on a date.

5) What’s your name?

Now, I know that most of these are generally addressed towards the ladies, but come on guys, if you end up walking your fun-time-partner to the door and can’t even recall her name to say godbye… that’s not a good sign. If you couldn’t even get that most basic of details, who knows if she said “Hi my name is Sarah and I have genital warts, just so you know.” Keep your ears open for the basic info, or you’ll be WISHING she had pulled a #1 the second you started feeling a slight, um, burning sensation.

Check out the video below of Peet Guercio giving HIS most awkward post-hook-up conversation.