On the 19th day of December, my safe sex life gave to me:

12 late night booty calls,
11 sneaky car hookups,
10 sexy photos,
9 dirty texts,
8 neck hickies (ew, dude),
7 lunchtime quickies,
6 morning woods,
FIVE WINKS ON O-B-C!!!!!
4 steamy voicemails,
3 big O’s,
2 sweaty finishes,
and the knowledge that I have no STDs (or babies!)!!!!

Seriously guys, glove your junk this holiday season. No one wants an unexpected Christmas present.

source