Maybe Don’t Have Sex With a Drink Trolley
Yesterday, we shared our 2014 New Years Booty Resolutions. We thought we had the whole span covered, from expanding your horizons to utilizing OBC as your hook-up portal of choice. But then this morning I woke up and saw this story on Metro mag and realized NOPE, there is one more resolution to add to one Scot’s list: In 2014, I resolve to STOP TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH INANIMATE OBJECTS.
Via Metro.co.uk:
A train traveller who had devoured a cocktail of legal highs and alcohol was arrested after trying to have sex with a drinks trolley.
Andrew Davidson was seen humping the trolley while shouting ‘I want to kiss you, I want to f*** you’.
Before he foisted himself upon it, he had placed his hands on a female passenger and attempted to kiss a member of staff.
According to fiscal dispute Jim Eodanable, he also fell on to his face and began rubbing his chest, sticking his tongue out and yelling about what he wanted to do to his boyfriend.
Allllllright, what the heck, Drew. We all know, life is tough. Traveling via train isn’t super fun. Maybe you downed a couple drinks to make a long day more bearable. But come on dude, a DRINK TROLLEY? Those things are sharp and pointy and made of metal and plastic, and not the comfy kind of plastic. If you’re going to have a crazy outburst on a piece of train equipment, why not make it a neck pillow? Or a seat cushion?
According to the report, Andrew was charged with “causing fear and alarm, as well as behaving in a threatening or abusing manner,” but luckily got away without a sex offender charge. We hope this year that Andrew cleans up his act and, y’know, at least takes the coffee table out to dinner before getting frisky with it.
If not though, maybe he and this guy can form a support group.
