Ugh, it’s almost like I’ve completely forgotten how to work! 4 days is too long to be lounging around and being lazy and eating and drinking enough to put on 12 pounds in 96 hours. It’s like I’m a baby learning how to walk, except I’m an adult who can’t remember how to make a good pun on “Christ-my-ass”… SEE?! THAT WAS TERRIBLE.

Let’s see what we missed on the interwebz during the long weekend!

James Franco’s chillin’ with porn stars these days. [TMZ]

Same story, new locale: Chris Brown and Rihanna are hanging out again. [Daily Mail]

Jessica Simpson confirmed that despite getting a $4 million Weight Watchers contract, she’s preggers again. [BuzzFeed]

Miley Cyrus is driving around with a sex doll. She’s seriously TRYING EVERYTHING to break the Disney mold, huh? [Dlisted]

Lindsay Lohan is pissed about the Scary Movie 5 trailer, because it makes her “look bad.” In other news, hahahahaha. [The Blemish]

Randi Zuckerberg, the woman who wanted to end internet anonymity for all, had a private photo go public accidentally. It’s SFW, unfortunately. [Gawker]

Courtney Stodden naked, because that’s the only way she exists. [The Superficial]

Was Whitney Houston murdered? One private investigator says he thinks she was. [Radar Online]

Deadspin made a list of all the things people got stuck in their rectums. It’s great. [Deadspin