The weekend is nearly upon us, which means we will all inevitably be warming up our seduction faces in the mirror and hitting the gym for an extra 12 minutes to try and fit into our skinny jeans. As you gear up to hit the clubs, though, it’s important to ask yourself if it’s the clubbing itself (or, at least the 4 Red Bull vodkas that come along with it) that’s been messing with your game. This weekend, ask yourself these questions to help figure out if booze might be affecting YOUR chance at scoring booty.

1. How many nights in the last month have you blacked out/been confused about how you got home/woken up next to a transvestite hooker?

Hey – we all want to have fun, and lots of times, that requires some social lubrication. A couple glasses of wine are great to loosen you up, make you a little more friendly and outgoing, and help ease tension in an awkward situation. However, if you’re drinking so much that you end up losing half the night and waking up in a puddle of vomit, you might want to reconsider your drinking choices. Blacking out can seriously affect your brain’s ability to store memories, which is a problem you should face at 80, not 22. So ease up, give yourself a limit for the night, and stick to it. You’re way more likely to end up in the bed of a sexy singleton instead of a, well… less-than-sexy one.

2. Are the buttons on your going-out shirt a little strained?

Just like an addiction to Twinkies (RIP), drinking too much can help you seriously pack on the pounds. Alcohol has no nutritional value and often takes over the body’s processing power, meaning that pre-booze dinner’s carbs and fat are being converted directly into love handles. Plus, let’s be honest – you’re way less likely to chow down on a carne asada burrito at 2 am when you’re not wasted. However, when you do drink, use this awesome website to help you make better choices – for your beer belly and booty call potential.

3. Be honest, guys… have you experienced the infamous “Whiskey Dick” problem recently?

Yep. Not hot. Cool it, guys. Like with memory loss, let’s hold off on impotence for a few years, okay?

4. How do you feel today?

If you’re over the age of 21, it’s pretty likely that you have experienced your share of hangovers. However, if you are raging so hard every weekend that you spend most of Saturday curled up on the couch trying to choke down Top Ramen, that might be a sign that you should take a little breaksies from the shots. You could be missing out on sexy Saturday morning coffee shop ladies, or dashing dog park dudes, and instead are spending time with Sir Porcelain. Totally not worth that last shot of Patron, I’d say.

5. You broke?

Lastly, your body isn’t the only thing taking a beating when you drink. If you’re hitting bars and clubs every weekend, you’ve probably noticed that your wallet is significantly thinner than when you lay low. Sure, it might be fun, but at $20 an entrance, $10 a drink (for let’s say 3 drinks), $20 cab ride home, and a potential $20 Jack in the Box excursion you force the cabbie to take you on, you’ve set yourself back $90 (or more) for one night that will inevitably leave you crying out for water and Advil the next morning.

Yep, you know where this is going. Instead of throwing your money, body, brain cells and pride down the toilet every weekend, you should head over to OBC, find yourself a booty call, and have a couple drinks at your place or theirs, followed by hours of boot knockin’, practically for FREE. We’ll see you at the club next weekend, where you’re sippin’ on soda water and going to TOWN on the hottest guy or gal in the bar!

 

For more info on the issue of substance abuse and how it contributes to obesity and other health problems, please check out this article from DrugAbuse.com.

Happy Weekending!