We at BCU have made a lot of jokes about the impending end of the world. All the animals dying by the hundreds and massive natural disasters and dudes putting rats and shoes in their mouths caused us to jokingly assume that the end of the world was near. We had 3 Reasons to Assume the World is Ending,  Weekend To-Dos: Disaster Preparedness Edition, and New Years Resolutions to Help You Last Longer Once the Zombie Cats Take Over, to name a few. Now, however, it’s time to get down to business.

According to the totally legitimate, not-at-all crazy website FamilyRadio.com, the actual for real end of the world is happening at 6pm on May 21st, 2011. As in Saturday. As in two days from this moment. Harold Camping, the zombie-scarecrow behind FamilyRadio, says that the end is coming mainly because of Gay Pride (sure). Obviously, Harold Camping is totally batsh** crazy. However, let’s all just go ahead and assume for five minutes that HC actually has a direct line of communication with G-O-D, and He Himself is so concerned about the dude-on-dude anal sex going on that on Saturday we’re all going to evaporate or blow up or turn into glitter or whatever. Let’s go with that.

WITH THAT ASSUMPTION, however, you must also agree that Friday night has to be the most off-the-hook, balls-to-the-metaphorical-wall party, one that is so insane that your hangover on Saturday is bad enough that you’ll be PRAYING for the end of the world to come. With me as your guide, let’s all strap on our party-planning boots and get to organizing the best End of the World party this planet has ever seen. Ready? Ready. This is BCU’s HOW TO: Plan an Awesome End of the World Party Edition!

1. Pick a venue

Feel free to go out to the clubs, but there is a good chance that most of the people will not understand why you are having an end of the world party (they are slow). You’re better off having the shin-dig at a house so everyone knows the meaning of the celebration and you can all laugh and laugh and then get sorta nervous near midnight but pretend you’re not.

2. Make it apocalypse costume themed

According to FamilyRadio, the saved Christians will all shoot up into heaven on Saturday, and the rest of us heathens will walk a fiery hell on Earth until October 21st, when the whole world will blow up. To prepare for the post-apocalyptic world,  make your party apocalypse themed… grungy, ripped clothes, fake knives or machine guns (NOT REAL ONES, DUMMIES), and scary makeup… basically just dress like Rambo.

3.  Play a prank

Spark a little morning fear in your neighbors by grabbing some old clothes and laying them in the street and sidewalks in piles. Because most Rapture stories say that those who are saved will disappear and leave their clothes behind, you could scare the bajeezus out of some people who think that they have been “left behind.” Sure it’s not supposed to happen till the evening, but that doesn’t mean people won’t freak out! Remember, shoes are a necessity!

4. Serve up Rapturitas

Like a margarita, but take out the sweet and sour and substitute your favorite red juice (pomegranate, cranberry, strawberry) to represent the blood of the sinners!

5. Throw a It Wasn’t The End of the World Party on Saturday

Because the world isn’t going to end (fingers crossed), Saturday will be a great night to enjoy the fact that you are still alive and ALSO that that shriveled up Slim Jim up there was wrong. Saturday, really sock it to the 89 year old bigot by supporting your local gay community. Our San Diego gay community (heavily concentrated in the Hillcrest region) know how to party harder than anyone, so we’ll be there taking shots in honor of Harold Campings’ bad future-telling skills and high-fiving all around.

Print this out and prepare for what is sure to be the most awesome party of the year, unless of course Harold is right and mid-party the world sets on fire. WE SHALL SEE, FRIENDS.