Continuing on with our series on dating how-tos, we go from avoiding first date awkwardness to something way worse: How To End an Awful First Date.

We’ve all been there. You’re out with that guy or girl you’ve totally been crushing on, but it’s just. Not. Working. You don’t agree on anything, everything they do bothers you, and they keep making jokes that make you want to shove forks in your ears. But somehow, they just don’t get that it is a terrible date! Somehow they think everything’s going great and you two are a perfect couple. And you’re just like, “what the HELL do I do to get out of this?”

Here, let us help you out a bit:

1. Be honest, but polite

The moment you realize, “this is not going to work,” say something. Do not sit there letting your date think that everything is going great while you secretly text your friend to call you about an emergency. Because then what happens? They call and you say “I’m sorry, I have to go, my grandmother has passed away,” and then they say, “LET ME DRIVE YOU THERE!”

It’s better to step in during a lull in the conversation, and say it was really nice to meet them, but “we’re just really not compatible,” or something of the sort. You don’t need to detail all the horrible things you don’t like about them, and definitely don’t say, “you’re just too fat.” Just say that although they seem like a really cool person, you just don’t see this going anywhere. Give them a handshake or a quick hug, and say goodbye. Trust us, using a lame excuse will only end with them calling the next day. And the next day. And five times the day after that. No good.

2. Don’t be a p***y

Whatever you do, don’t give your date the slip – as in, leaving when they go to the bathroom, or slipping out when they aren’t looking, or leaving them on a street corner while you “get the car.” (Also, I know those all sound very specific and like maybe they happened to me or something but that’s definitely not the case, okay, so don’t think that all three of those have happened to me) Anyway, all that’ll do is create a bad reputation for yourself. Be a grown up and tell them why you think the date should end, follow rule number one, and get on your way. You never know – they might have a hot friend and you don’t want to ruin the chances with them!

3. Avoid, avoid, avoid

The last thing you need is to run into your awful date the next day, the next week, hell, even the next month! So if they told you where they like to hang out normally (and they probably did, because awkward dates always end up talking too much about themselves), steer clear of those places for at least the next month. Running into someone you rejected like graft-versus-host isn’t going to end any better if you get wasted and see them at a bar while you’re making out with a hottie on the dance floor. This sucks the most when you met your date at the club you love most, which is why you should just be meeting hot singles at new places, or even better: OnlineBootyCall.com! ;)

Tune in next week for the next entry in our Dating How-To series: How To: Ask For a Second Date… that one should be a little less depressing. See you then!