As a person who lives on the West Coast, my idea of “extreme weather” is anything over 80 degrees and any sort of precipitation whatsoever. Therefore, as I heard about the insanity that is Hurricane Sandy, about to straight-up rip the east coast a new butthole, I realized I’d have no idea how to prepare for such a disaster. Apparently you’re supposed to stock a gallon of water per person/per day, tons of non-perishable food items, and a first aid kit including iodine pills in case your water becomes contaminated (Jesus), as well as, in certain cases, keep a hatchet in your attic in case you have to ESCAPE THROUGH A HOLE IN THE ROOF. Yeah, no thanks, I think I’ll stick to the occasional heat wave so I don’t have to live in a nightmare wasteland.

So, East Coasters, how are YOU doing over there? You safe? Everything okay? Can I get you anything?