Now that someone has been RUN OVER in the midst of a public brawl, I’d like to hope that firework of a trend has officially died away. And luckily, I think it can now, with the appearance of a new style – storing things in your vagina.

We always knew that ladies and gents were storing things in their butts (“keystering” is the scientific term),  but now we have a new wave of progressive (and obviously breain-dead) women who are taking a more forward approach. Literally. Check out these two news stories from the past week:

First, we have Ann Marie Hernandez, of Pompano Beach, Florida (obviously), who was pulled over on interstate 75 for a routine traffic stop, when cops discovered that she had over $5,000 worth of merchandise purchased with a stolen credit card in her vehicle.

According to UPI, hen police called a female officer to the scene to search her, the female officer said she had found the fake ID and credit card used to make the purchases and – you guessed it – they were in her vagina. The photo of both credit card and ID arr shown to the right, courtesy of the sheriff’s department.

Look at the shape of those things. Now think about the shape of the human vagina.You wouldn’t shove a square peg through a round hole, would you? So… you know…

BAD IDEA, ANN MARIE. BAD IDEA.

For our second crotch-criminal, we have the case of Gloria Esther Perez, (she’s from FLORIDA, so can we just assume that all the crazies are in Florida these days?) who was in a physical alteration in the middle of a Fort Myers street when cops broke up the fight and began to do a pat down, due to Gloria’s excessive fidgeting and the appearance of hiding something.

According to TheSmokingGun, cops realized that she was in possession of hundreds of pills that she did not have a prescription for. Soon after, Miss Perez became ill and she was taken to a nearby hospital for evaluation.

Good thing, too, because she had a knife hidden in her vagina (something tells me you shouldn’t be carting around sharp rusty objects down there, but what do I know). Further examination proved that Gloria had a different hiding spot on her person, that was somehow grosser.

According to the report, the suspect had a second knife and a bottle of pills hidden in her fat rolls. The 5’4, 180 pound woman failed miserably at her attempt to conceal the contraband in her spare tire/muffin top/back fat, and was carted off to jail on $25,000 bond. I think that might be a hint to drop a few lbs, mamacita.

So… so far we have credit cards, identification cards, and knives. Should we start taking bets as to what is found in a vagina next? My bets are on… forged checks or… novelty-sized baseball bats. Any takers?