HEY! WAKE UP.

Get out from underneath that barf-covered American flag t-shirt and have a cup of coffee. It’s the FRIDAY AFTER FOURTH OF JULY!

Today is not technically a holiday, so we OBC staff are here, bleary-eyed, hungover, and bloated from cramming bun-length wieners in our bodies, BUT TOTALLY READY TO GIVE YOU THE IMPORTANT NEWS YOU NEED.

SO GET UP. IF WE HAVE TO BE HERE, YOU DO TOO. Even if you feel like you ate a bunch of Mentos and downed a Diet Coke.