Tomorrow is the FOURTH OF JOO-LIE, and we couldn’t be more excited to spend a day having fun in the sun and waving American flags and eating enough hot dogs to give us permanent indigestion. However, although the past few days have been the epitome of beautiful out, sun shining and ocean glistening, today looks like the clouds have taken a giant white dump all over the city (that’s a simile for “it’s cloudy,” in case you didn’t get it, dummy).

Needless to say, if it’s cloudy and gross tomorrow I will be severely bummed out. I have concocted a plan B, though, just in case it’s cold and icky out: stay home wrapped in a blanket, eat hot dogs till I get indigestion, and watch fireworks-gone-wrong videos for hours. These things never get old.