Oh Europeans, you and your crazy little quirks. Like your teeth and your smell and your love for disgusting foods like liver and tripe and your driving on the wrong side, no not the left side, the WRONG side of the road.

And did you guys know that there was an octopus- I’m sorry, an “ORACLE” octopus, that correctly predicted all of Germany’s outcomes all the way up until its depressing loss to Spain on Wednesday? So, naturally, instead of being like, “Dang it, World Cup team, you failed us!” or “Man that other team sure was good!” they have decided that it’s all the damn octopus’ fault. Theeight-legged swimmer, so cutely named “Paul,” is now on the receiving end of some really pissed off German dudes, and we sure know what angry Germans are capable of.

In awesome top-of-the-food-chain fashion, the Germans have decided that the best way to exert revenge on this sabotaging Benedict-Arnold/ poor, innocent creature that never asked for any of this is to slap him on a grill in public (a la Salem Witch Trails) and eat him with all the German anger they can muster.

Once again, rabid fans, you realize they’re playing a child’s game, right?

JUST KIDDING SPORTS > EVERYTHING

Reuters