You may only know this because of the dozens of depressing commercials during yesterday’s football games, but Sunday was the tenth anniversary of 9/11 – the day when two terrorist-hijacked planes flew into the World Trade Center, one hit the Pentagon, and another ran into the ground in Pennsylvania. Easily one of the saddest events in American history, it’s understandable that people would want to commemorate the day by flying flags, singing patriotic songs, and embracing their loved ones.

On the other hand, after reading this article about Martin Kessman, a 64-year-old investment banker from New York, I have decided that maybe those planes were aiming for him back in 2001 and just barely missed.

According to the Daily Mail, Kessman is suing White Castle Burgers because he claims the booths in their Nanuet, New York store are too small too accommodate his 290 lb frame. ‘They’re stationary booths,’ he told the New York Post. ‘I’m not humongous (but) I’m a big guy. I could not wedge myself in.’

You’d think that at this point in your life, when you realize that you can not “WEDGE YOURSELF” into a booth at a fast food chain known for their fattening burgers, that it might be time to make a life choice like not going to White Castle anymore for God’s sake.

Mr Kessman claims he hurt his knee after knocking it against a metal support bar on the table and complained to company headquarters. When he was offered three free hamburgers in each of three apology letters sent by the company, he sent his wife to pick them up.

‘I did not want to set foot into the store,’ he said. ‘Any subsequent trips to the store have been made by my wife – I have been like an outcast.’

I certainly HOPE he was an outcast, I mean, if someone so painfully lazy that they’d rather SUE one of the biggest fast food chains on the east coast instead of LOSE A COUPLE POUNDS, they deserve to at LEAST be poked and made fun of instead of offered free burgers. Oh, and the best part of the whole story?

He claims White Castle offered him free hamburgers in responses to three separate complaints – but he still had to pay extra for cheese.

I’m going back to bed. See you in ten years.