In “oh god no why’d you ruin my dreams” News, The Superficial is reporting that during a concert in Sydney, Australia, Enrique Iglesias spilled some information that may ruin his sex appeal for millions of women around the world. He apparently brought a bunch of guys on stage for a, um, inspirational story time? I guess? and shared with them some interesting information, from the fact that he was a virgin till he was 25 (and then redacted it and said 17), that his first time in the sack he lasted 2 seconds, that he “can’t even last eight minutes now,” and this gem:

“What does Spanish good looks have to do with the size of your penis? Maybe I have the Spanish looks but I have the smallest penis in the world. I’m serious.“

Hear that? Listen to the wind… That’s the sounds of a million vaginas drying up like sponges in a microwave.

I just wonder what brings a man to discuss these types of things in front of thousands of fans. It’s like he’s trying to de-sexify himself. Like he’s trying to slowly convince the world that he isn’t a world-famous sex-symbol crooner with a great body. Like women shouldn’t fantasize about-

Oh

MY

GOD.

Is Enrique Iglesias GAY?

Sweet baby Jesus. If he goes the way of Ricky Martin, my mother is going to be so, so sad.