I was beginning to think, excitedly, that perhaps the Darwin effect was working on all the dumb criminals out there. Maybe they were all finally in jail, or witnessed the carnage on their fellow idiots and decided to stay home for the day. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Today brings in a fresh duo of dumb in this week’s Dumb Criminal Off, which pits a hungry dude against a hungrier (much, much hungrier) lady.

First off, we have Jose Barrera, a 21 year old dude from Elgin, Illinois, who decided to work on his already sexy physique by pulling through a McDonald’s drive thru at 12:30 am on Monday while getting super stoned in his car. Actually, to be fair, “super” might not be an accurate word here, I just assume you have to be pretty high to show up to a Mickey D’s after midnight.

According to the report, there was someone else in line for a Whopper, a police officer in his cop car. The cop apparently smelled marijuana, and upon further investigation discovered that Barrera was in fact taking hits from a joint in front of him. The cop searched his car and discovered a little over a gram of cannabis in the vehicle, for which Barrera was arrested and later released for possession of a controlled substance.

Perhaps Mr. Barrera had already done a delightful job of hot-boxing his car and couldn’t see out the back window. Perhaps in his hunger-induced state he forgot to look around before he lit up a fatty in his front seat. Perhaps many things, but there is one thing that’s for sure: Jose Barrera is a dumb, dumb criminal.

Next up is an unnamed Georgian woman who had some Chinese food delivered, and was shocked, nay, APPALLED, when she received her delivery and it was (brace yourself) NOT WHAT SHE ORDERED. So, she took the next course of action that any sane person would take and called 911.

To be fair, I have had experiences where I’ve gotten home from picking up food and realized that they got my order all wrong, and I admit that the anger that I felt reached the depths of my soul, but even then I didn’t think to call the POLICE. The audio of the call is above, so enjoy the sounds of someone who is more nuts than you for a moment. According to the report, the woman was not arrested, but may be fined for making a non-emergency 911 call. Either way, this woman is a really dumb criminal.

As always, it’s up to you – who’s dumber?